Games and Loneliness

I feel like I default to trying to make friends in game or through Twitch. Because of my pretty bad social anxiety, making real life friends always felt extremely difficult, so making online friends my go-to. All the way back to 2002 or 03 with Astonia 3 (which was my first MMO) and then Runescape, where I made so many good friends that made going through my teenage life bearable. Even now, trying to make friends on Twitch and Elder Scrolls Online--or even Sea of Thieves a few years ago--making online friends feel comfortable.

Every now and then, I just feel socialized out and neglect friendships (unless the friend is very persistent--which one Astonia 3 friend still is, or Vilet, my parter and mama to bebé Ghost), which feels awful. It turns into a repetitive loop of finding people and losing them because of my lack of social battery or awkwardness.

Lately, since streaming has gone on the backburner, I've been trying to find friends to play and chat with again. It hasn't gone the best but I am pretty limited in how much time I can put into it at the moment.

I just really miss the first year of Sea of Thieves' release back in 2018. So many encounters, so many friends. It was the last time I felt like I was part of an actual community of gamers. That dissipated as streaming the game became more popular and, suddenly, the game was about using people for content rather than fun. But I stayed for a few good friends I made--same as what happened in Runescape in 2008. Bored of game but enjoying the company.

I have been considering reinstalling SoT and joining random crews. Just to see what happens. Will that happen, I don't know, but man was early Sea of Thieves great. [While I want to side track into a rant about how I feel some streamers ruin some open multiplayer games, I won't just yet. Maybe I'll work on that post over vacation at the in-laws.]

Anyway. I miss making friends. I miss talking to people. Some people feel more approachable than others despite considering them friends, but it's also my lack of knowing what to say. I romanticize The Guild and so so so wish I could get that type of friend group--one that shares love for a game and I can find them online and just hang out.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.